Friday, 28 January 2011

I'm gonna be rich...no...wait..

After I received the Wholesaler catalogue yesterday I was convinced I was about to become a millionaire. 20p for an item. (20 in pack) so that is 1p per item at COST PRICE - I'm gonna be rich!
I even rang D at work to tell him he could hand his notice in, how we were going to open our own store and be million-freakin-aires.
When D came home hours later (he didn't take my advice and quit his promising career for my flighty dream) he proceeded to tell me how my business model was flawed -what business model? I'd just opened the catalogue and decided I wanted to buy everything and that we were gonna be rich.
I listened to him yammer on about how it was not going to work blah blah blah. This only encouraged me to succeed more, but instead of becoming a millionaire I'm now going to become a TWO millionaire so I can burn the second million in front of D's face going 'nah-nah this could've been yours but you didn't believe in me''

About an hour later I read the catalogue properly...um..yeah it's 20p per unit and you have to buy in multiples of 20 (£4 total cost) PLUS VAT...so erm it's not AS cheap as I first thought,
(Give me a break it's my first wholesaler catalogue I don't know how it works) but still pretty cheap.
I do plan on stocking from them but maybe millionaire-dom & global domination is a few more years away yet...

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Girls Just wanna have fun

I woke up this morning singing!? 'Girls just wanna have fun' in my sleep while dreaming I was stroking a little white kitten I'd named adelweiss, and touring a steel factory when suddenly we all broke into dance in the cinema auditorium. I woke up laid down but STANDING ON MY FEET in the bed - and now my back hurts.
Clearly I need to try eating some solids after my dentist appointment as I'm going CRAZY from lack of food.
On a plus I'm now totally hooked on Moonlight (it's been a long time since a TV show sucked me in (haha vampires suck) this way) and today I also received my new wholesalers catalogue AND THEY SENT SAMPLES so there's three hours of my life down the drain today already doing my favourite thing- guilt free shopping.
D has already decided my calling is not to run my own business but to be a purchasing director of a multinational corporation. I wouldn't have worried so much about starting my own business if someone had told me that it takes along of work selling AND SHOPPING for stock. Now those two things I can do! Buying for a business is SO much more satisfying than for yourself, you get to buy things you really don't need but someone else might and you get to test stuff first. Then of course all profits go into your pocket. Dream. Job.

*** Also this steel factory dream backs up my belief that the Steelers will win the Superbowl so I'm off to place a bet later.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

What would Sydney Bristow Do?

Whenever I find myself in one of life's "hilarious" sketches of pain, torment and sadness I always think; What would Sydney Bristow Do?
For those of you who don't know of Sydney Bristow she's the chick from Alias.

She's a smart, fit, witty, brave, fearless, kickass kinda girl. And I want to be her. (minus the cia double agent crime fighting part)
So whenever I feel like an utter wuss I think "What would Sydney Bristow do?"
When Sydney had her teeth removed in episode one she didn't have any pain relief and she was brave and fearless, so take today;
I patiently sat in the waiting room of hell without smashing anything or running away screaming, no, no I kept my cool and stayed in character.
Thirty minutes later when they came to get me (thirty minutes? I mean COME ON!) my cool fa├žade had started to slip and I was shredding some of their free reading materials to help make beds for all the orphaned homeless hamsters and gerbils of the world. (there was a sign okay)

I enter the torture chamber and THE DENTIST says;
"Hello Holly how are you today?....Well I'm glad your teeth are better and that you think you don't need seeing but if you'll just let go of the door frame and come and have a seat I'll check them for you....yes I know you googled the words teeth and dentistry on the internet and while that makes you somewhat qualified I'd like to take a look anyway.."

Rats my persuasive Sydney questioning failed! So I take a seat and the "fun" begins. I would like to take this chance to say my Dentist is a wonderful woman who is calm, kind, professional but very good and handling panicky patients (me) so I know this could have gone worse.

We'd agreed I'd have no pain relief (cause Sydney has balls of steel) and so had a code. If I ripped her mask off and started screaming and gouging her eyes out raised my hand, she would stop. I could do this as often as I liked, if it hurt or I just needed to take a minute (seriously she's wonderful.) So away we go, her checking with me I'm not instantly in pain, letting me know how it's going and keeping an eye on my reactions.
I grip my hands together so tightly my knuckles go white, I close my eyes and start singing "1,2,3,4,5 once I caught a fish alive" over and over in my head(not the song just that one line), some of the procedure is okay, some of the procedure is not so okay and has me sitting on my hands to avoid throwing them into her face while my feet are frantically wiggling in the air.

I DO NOT scream, I DO NOT hit anyone, I am Sydney Bristow.
At some point towards the end of my wheel of pain, I realise that in episode one Sydney Bristow leaps out of the chair crushing THE DENTIST and beating him to a pulp, I suddenly open my eyes and look at THE DENTIST and think "What am I DOING I'm Sydney Bristow!" As I raise my leg ready to scissor kick them away from me THE DENTIST steps back and tells me we're finished.
Total adrenaline wrecker.
I am shown my newly shiny problem-free teeth, shown my cavity/rot free x-rays and told I'm going to be fine. How people with my problem usually have rotten teeth or have left it too late after their accident, how I have a little bone loss but am otherwise fine. How she can tell I have good oral hygiene and floss and if I just keep it up I'll be okay. She's telling me I'm okay.

My teeth are now a little sore after their deep clean and a little itchy after their prodding but my infection is fought, my teeth are intact and apparently all should be okay. There is just a little sensitivity from the procedure which should clear up in a few weeks days. It is a frikkin' miracle. When I smashed my face into the road 7 months ago, I thought I'd bent my teeth back into my head, I sure had busted up my face. Even when I was shown this hadn't happened they hurt so darned much I was terrified, now it turns out that I'm almost in the clear (sure there might be nerve damage lurking for a future prickle) but for now I'm exhausted from my day of terror and ready to flop into bed, if my teeth would please kindly stop aching...I'll be okay.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

T-Day

I leave for the dentist in 1 hour.

So far I have woken up - started to fret - put my alarm on for half an hour later - gone back to sleep....
DRIIIIIIING - turn alarm off, wake up, start fretting, put alarm on again for in half and hour....go back to sleep... (this continued for three hours)

I now only have 1 hour until I go, I still need to take a shower, pack some orders to drop at the post office and actually pluck up the courage to leave.....and I seem to have been absorbed by the sofa and can't move.

I'm scared all right ya'll I'm totally terrified that it's going to hurt, or I'm going to throw up, or she'll tell me all my teeth have to come out, or I'll start crying and embarrass myself and that it'll cost more money than they said it would (which will probably be the trigger to the crying).....

Guess I'd best go get in the shower and then brush my teeth for the next 45 minutes....that should hide the clues that I ate a candy bar for breakfast, right?

Monday, 24 January 2011

Moonlight Horror

So there's this old show from 2008 doing re-runs on my free telly shows channel called Moonlight. (it's a complicated cable package D signed us up for but I do know it allows me to watch at least 8 hours of new box-sets a day while working at my laptop)
It's some vampy detective magical powers thing and I can't decide if it's awesome or I hate it.
For one it seems to have two actors playing the lead, either that or the lighting is very weird he'll be kinda cute n sexy and then wham ugly freaky geeky guy with bad hair. I can't figure it out.
It seems to be a gorier version of the 'Angel' show but with CSI elements. (this is both good and bad)
It's also darned confusing I mean he's a vampire has super hearing, movement, smell, can see THE FUTURE -wha? and the past yet isn't affected by sunlight (other than sporting really bad sunglasses) or apparently anything else.
Each episode is 1 hour long so there are 48 hours of fun just stored in that Tv set (good thing)
I know writers of vampire shows and books get to re-write the vampire code to suit them, but each time I watch or read something new it scrambles my head again it's about time they all started agreeing on a little more than the name "vampire".
(If you care what I'm reading atmo it's 'A Fistful of Charms' and yes it has vampires in it and witches and pixies and it's dark and evil and brilliant)

I've also been watching alot of the horror channel recently too since I decided I was brave and fearless. Last night I settled down to watch Stephen Kings Salems lot;

D: Why is the horror channel on?
Me: We're gong to watch Salem's lot
D: I don't want to
Me: Yes you do
D: But it'll be scary and you'll hate it
Me: Nah it's a book, they can't make books scarier on film. I want to read the book, I don't have time, the film is on ergo we are watching it... I think it's about vampires...or maybe that's pet semetary, we're watching that too!

*thirty minutes passes*

Me: Do you know the story of salems lot?
D: Nope
Me: Me either...but I don't think this is it

*five minutes pass*

Me: Are we watching house on haunted hill?
D: Why?
Me: Because they keep talking about going to a house on a hill that's haunted
D: No idea
Me: Is house on haunted hill scary?
D: No
Me: Holly not sleep at night scary?
D: Maybe
Me: Your not going on any trips any time in the next month are you?
D: No?
Me:We can keep watching

*five more minutes pass*

Me: D why is that ladies head made of play-do....OH GOD ... DON'T PUT YOUR EYE TO THE WALL NO IT'LL TAKE YOUR EYE...*cover my eyes* TELL ME WHEN IT ENDS!!!!

D: Now they are ripping his stomach open....and pulling his stomch out... and ripping his heart out as he's screaming.... they're pulling his flesh off .....and now they are dragging him through the three inch gap in the wall while he's bleeding and screaming....and...it's over

Me: turn off tv.. must turn off tv.... must put on care bears... *fumbling for the megatron*

Turns out while the film advertised was "Salems Lot" and the synopsis on the tv was for "Salem's Lot" and when asked the tv told us we were watching Salem's Lot what was actually aired was "Return to the House on Haunted Hill"

Gee thanks Horror Channel you guys are swell.

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Cooking Fiend

Since D quit smoking (3 weeks and counting) he's been on a mission to eat us out of house and home. So being the awesome Wifey that I am, I've showered him with edible treats in all shapes and sizes.
On Tuesday he came home to this propping up his laptop,


I'm thinking I could make a living out of building these hampers!

I then spent yesterday trapping people in my production line kitchen, baking fairy cakes, flapjacks, bread and biscuits. I'm a cooking wiz I tells ya, and better yet, nobody died.


There would have been better pictures but we'd eaten so much by that point this was about all that was left, plus in the other pictures I'm coated in a white icing sugar type substance and I look like a partially plastered mummy

I've taken the opportunity to spend the weekend filling up on sugary treats before my dentist appointment of hell, torture and torment on Tuesday.
Oh - and that junk I tried to get rid of on Ebay? Well apparently I have all the things the cool kids want since I've sold the majority of it and made myself a pretty pile of cash to almost to the value of my dental work. Yippee.

Friday, 21 January 2011

Cat Assassins

Death has visited my garden



This Death was caused by one of my girl cats since both were in the vicinity at the time of murder. I'm pretty certain Kitalpha killed it as she has brought many a live animal home in the past, Evie's "innocence" however has me suspicious.
Evie came in straight away when I called her and she had been sat near the dead Ms. Blackbird.
Kitalpha though seemed surprised by Ms. Blackbird's appearance (but Kit is quite forgetful) and was drawn by her curiosity of "what is this thing?" going from moving one step toward me and then taking one back towards the birdie...salivating. All this caused me to be hopping up and down on my doorstep with next doors dog barking as I screamed "Don't you FUCKING DARE bring that in here! KITALPHA, don't you DARE! You put that BACK! KITALPHA you get in here RIGHT now, don't you give me that look...KITALPHA!"
What was so freakish is how the bird appeared to be STUFFED holding its "I'm sat on a nest" pose so perfectly I had to use stick science to check it wasn't actually sleeping at my door.
I then balanced it on a spade and popped it on the top of my bin ready for disposal when I realised D was never gonna believe how it looked and that I needed some form of documentation.

Unfortunately as I returned to the murder scene with my camera, next door's family was now stood outside chatting. As I snapped a quick picture of Ms. Blackbird I suddenly realised how incredibly crazy I looked (all conversation had stopped and they were all staring at me). I threw them a quick "erm...my cats went hunting?" I shoved the bird into the bin and ran back into the house in my pjs before they could call the RSPCA or something.
My neighbours are Polish, maybe they think photographing dead animals is an English custom? I hope so, but not so much I want taxidermied wildlife for Christmas *shudder*.

Thursday, 20 January 2011

The Wardrobe Monster

D has a irritating habit of leaving his wardrobe door open and due to some deep instilled childhood memory or fear I can't go to sleep with the wardrobe door open.
This is the kinda of completely insane conversation D and I have and as I'm sleep deprived today I decided to share it with you.

Let's set the scene, it's a dark and stormy night, yours truly is trying to sleep when she clocks the fact that D's wardrobe is open...

ME: Your wardrobe is open

D: Shhh

ME: But it's OOOOO-pen

D: So

ME: Close it

D: You close it

ME: But I didn't leave it open

D: And I don't care that it IS open

ME: But what about the wardrobe monster!

D: Wardrobe Monster?

ME: The wardrobe monster is gonna get you! If you leave the door open it's a invitation for him to visit and he's not the kinda cute pixar monster, oh no, he's the grind your bones up and rip your face of kind of monster.

D: *snorts*

ME: Yup I mean me, I'm fine, 'cause it's not my wardrobe, but he'll smell all your clothes and get your scent and then he'll come and eat you and you'll be all "oh god help me Holly it's eating me face" and I'll be all "I told ya so"

D: Holly

Me: You know what it feels like when it starts to eat you? Like this - *pinches D*

*significant time passes*

D: Stop pinching me

ME: It wasn't me! I told you it's the wardrobe monster it's gonna get you!

D: Go. To. Sleep.

*more time passes*

ME: Okay, I know I started this but I'm really freaked out now so please shut your wardrobe...

*D goes to shut wardrobe*

*even more time passes and I finally begin to fall asleep*

D: You know I bet the wardrobe monster has invited his girlfriend along and she's waiting in your wardrobe.

*my eyes shoot open*

ME: Oh GREAT now I'm not going to be able to sleep

D: What you gonna do, wake me at 3am for my turn guarding the wardrobes?

ME: Great idea! Besides there's that much STUFF in my wardrobe my monster has to be realllly small. You can probably win a fight with her.Maybe.

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Sim Science

Now ya'll remember I wanted to do some science this year, well I've put most of it on hold until my teeth are better ('cause science is expensive ya'll)
But the one experiment I CAN do is on the sims. D brought me sims 3 on the xbox for christmas, I already had it on the PC but I wanted it on the xbox so I could get all the achievements and because I'm impressionable by their totally awesome advert.



Well on my game there are a few "things" I want to test, firstly I woo-hoo'd with an evil criminal to try have evil spawn so I could kill the father and then marry the rich millionaire and unleash said evil spawn on him, which would put him in an early grave allowing me to be rich and marry the hunk of the neighbourhood. (D says my Sims life is waaay too complex.)
This one is still in progress since said spawn was born clumsy and not evil. I've called him Jinks and I can't wait to see HOW clumsy he'll be when he's older.
Anyway, my second piece of sims science is all about a sim called TRISH, shes a NPC (non-player character) and she is humongous. I am curious to see if I befriend her, invite her over a lot (and then feed her salad) and if I keep asking her to go to the gym with me, if I can shed her extra weight or if she is "fixed" to be big.
Thirdly, with the new karma powers I want to see if it's possible to be a serial killer, I've already scared a lot of people with my poltergeists but I haven't managed to actually KILL anyone. Yet.
Finally (for now) I wanted to see if my RL hairdresser could give me my sims hair-cut - turns out yes she could so I now have a cute lil 'bob' and a proper fringe(bangs?). Which make me look sleek and professional as well as quite young and cute. (Yes I'm vain but I have new hair it's excusable)
So I'm off back to my sim-land, maybe if I use the fire storm karma power this time I can kill the rich mans wife off.

P.S You do NOT want to know what I subjected my sim of D to, let's just say he should've gotten me that puppy he promised. Sims are awesome, legalized voodoo you can play on your TV.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

My Secret Addiction

I'm hoping D has knocked me up and I'm expecting a very weird child, that, or I'm now auditioning for that show everyone is talking about "My Secret Addiction." Since the first option is quite unlikely I guess I'd better start writing my application form and filming my crazy "pick-me" video now.

Since my dental expenses started we are back to doing our best impressions of the 'little matchstick girl' as we scavenge cupboards looking for SOMETHING to eat.
I've even begun selling everything I can find on Ebay, maybe, just maybe if I can sell 100 items at £1 each I can afford to visit the dentist again on the 25th.
For dinner today I was staring forlornly in the fridge at the fact all we had was mouldy cheese (ick) and condiments so I made a new sandwich.
Add one tortilla wrap, smear coleslaw onto wrap, then add a handful of currants, chopped hazelnuts, crushed pringles, bits of rescued cheese (non mouldy), wrap up and then eat.
- It was actually quite delicious and reminded me of how I; enjoy figs with coleslaw, enjoy chocolate with coleslaw, sausages with coleslaw and chutney...the list goes on...

So that's my secret addiction, the one I never admit to in front of friends, give me a tub of coleslaw and ANY OTHER FOOD and I will mix them together...did I mention it's good with chocolate cake?

In case you're concerned about my cooking abilities let me reassure you that even now I have a whole chicken steaming in the shower ready for us to eat for tea. Heston Blumenthal - move over :P

Monday, 17 January 2011

Counterproductive...Moi? Never

Gees I'm a big ol' lump of lazy today. I'm determined (mentally) to get plenty of work done but spiritually I can barely be bothered to drag my ass around.
Since I visited the dentist last week (bad news if the x-rays come back with problems) I've been feeling glum, I mean no-one likes to hear that either you're gonna be fine or about to become toothless. And even glummer (yes it's a word) about the £70 I don't have that my next appointment is going to cost.
I'm frustrated too that she has told me there is nothing wrong with the tooth I'm complaining about, and though said tooth HEARD what she said it is still playing tingle and twinge with me on a repeated thirty second basis which is slowly driving me insane.
I've put a Gilmore girls marathon on in the hope their perkiness would rub off on me, which failed because my teeth were too distracting. I then found myself wandering aimlessly through the house and garden for no particular reason other than the work was in the living room and I was trying to avoid it.
On my 5th voyage through the kitchen I suddenly spied at the back of the larder a wondrous box of promise and niceness. Super expensive high cocoa content chocolates. I am now trying to achieve a chocolate high without inducing a sugar coma, in the hope I'll become super happy and speedy and get my work done.
Chances are though that D will come home from work in six hours to find my face smeared in chocolate while sprawled sleeping across the sofa, my unfinished work piled around me and the cat making my back into her newest bed.

If anyone has a spare set of teeth going or a miracle cure for crazy phantom pains please share it, it's been a month and I'm about ready to start killing people now.

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Why D is such a Zombie Fear Monger

There is this new advert on TV about a kids magazine where you get an icky bug set in a plastic block and you can study it and learn about it and all that disgusting stuff, Issue 1 is a scorpion.


EWW so what this is going to be in SHOPS where I buy my FOOD?


and here is the conversation said advert provoked;

ME: The bugs are plastic though right?
D: No, they're set in plastic.
ME: So it's a real scorpion?
D: Yup
ME: But what if it...ya know..gets out?
D: It's dead
ME: But what if it re-animates?
D: I don't know many re-animating scorpions
*pause*
D: But if it does re-animate then that would make it a Zombie scorpion, and then we're all fucked.

Friday, 14 January 2011

Shrimp Girl vs THE ROOM

I'm sure you all remember the evil ROOM that was lurking in my house, well it is finally finished (or as finished as it can be right now) charity picked up 15 boxes yesterday, the rest went in the trash and the few things I had left I put by the kerb last night and they had been stolen by bedtime :)
There is some furniture to be added to 'The Room' late February but for now, this is what 'THE ROOM' actually looks like...


Did you know I had a radiator there...I didn't..


I was helped by my MUSE turned up to MAX volume, and hindered by three cats thinking my "tidying" was just me creating them a giant wibbly wobbly climbing frame of fun and pouncing.

Things I found;

  • £20 - wooohoo!
  • 3 used disposable cameras...one melted...(I did NOT know that could happen)
  • 2 spinning plates from the circus & a frisbee - RE-SULT
  • 2 x Gift cards with the value of £25
  • 5 x 2nd Class postage stamps
  • 8 AAA batteries of undetermined age
  • 3 cable tidy kits (unused) because D keeps buying one everytime we go anywhere that sells them because they are 'Manly.'
  • A massive scalextric set (working)

    I also discovered that 75% of all my handbags are pink, (who'd have thought?) it would seem that every time I lost one I brought a new pink one.

    So I think I did pretty darned well, okay now let me show you what behind the door...


    Okay so I know that still looks like a huge pile of boxes, but other than the Christmas tree each of those boxes is full to the brim with second hand books (in other words shop stock)
    Which will be sold, destroyed or listed on-line and placed into the office room (full of shelving) They should all or at least 50% should be gone by September, and since I don't deal in many second-hand books any more (more new-discounted) it shouldn't be hard to NOT re-fill the room.

    I'll give you all another update once I get the furniture in there and on that note, this is SHRIMP GIRL signing off :)

  • Thursday, 13 January 2011

    Just a bit of fun

    I'm off to the dentist in just a few short hours, it's only an examination and x-ray to see what damage was done when I head-faced the floor 6months ago - then we book the procedures but I'm still jittery.
    One of my friends sent me this today and it was kinda fun so I thought I'd share;

    1 - Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band. 2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. 3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture no matter what it is, will be your album cover. 4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.

    And here is what I got:



    Of course I now want to start a band, release an album called "Lie Awake About Them Afterward" and change my career to ROCK STAR.
    So if you, like me couldn't resist giving it a go let me know what you get :)

    EDIT***
    D got this;

    Wednesday, 12 January 2011

    Cooking with Holly

    D has recently given up smoking and has, in an attempt to keep busy, become a snack fiend.
    In my attempts to fatten him up help, I have been baking my socks off.
    We've had home made bread, cakes, desserts, pies etc.
    By far my WORST cooking attempt and therefore the one I'll share with you, (even worse than brownie points) has to be the chocolate cookies I made him.
    I followed the recipe to the LETTER and it was a famous chef's recipe too!
    I was so paranoid about wrecking them I carefully measured and mixed everything in the correct order.
    The chocolate cookies were described on the site as being crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside, mine turned out gooey on the outside and...erm....cake in the middle.

    Delish though. Maybe I've invented a new snack, I shall call them 'cakies' and they will make me rich, rich I tells ya, rich!

    Tuesday, 11 January 2011

    Crime Traveller

    When I was a child, 'Crime Traveller' ran for two series on Saturday night TV and I LOVED it, not just because the female lead was called : HOLLY!!!!! But also because it was that science/drama/action type show that I was into, and the female lead was smart and sassy.
    My friend Tom and I spent our summer playing 'Crime Traveller' in my back garden running around trying to save the world. *happy sigh* It even inspired me to take up quantum physics and caused me to be sat in a meeting room with several old science professors, debating quantum theory, and holding my own in the conversation, while aged 10. When the show was cancelled (apparently Tom and I were the ONLY viewers) we were gutted and we still speak of it fondly. (I still have the letter Tom wrote to me age 7 suggesting we build a time machine too and call it Crimey)

    Earlier this month Amazon gave me a late Christmas Present, In the "things you might be interested in" category were lists of £5 DvD boxsets, and CRIME TRAVELLER was one of them. I mean OMG it's taken off the air and then WHAM it's released on DVD? DVD's didn't even exist back then (unless they travelled back in time, invented the dvd, recorded it on dvd and then brought it back to the future?) So of course I ran straight to Tom's FB page and spammed him with the DvD over and over our conversation went a little like this;

    ME: SPAM IMAGE SPAM IMAGE OMG TOM LOOK! SPAM IMAGE IT'S ON DVD!!! SPAM IMAGE I REMEMBER DIVING ROUND THE GARDEN PLAYING THIS!!!!

    Tom: Haha I had forgotten all about this. As if it got a dvd release!!

    ME: I know! I have ordered a copy cause im a big ol' geek!!!
    (when actually I had skipped round the house cheering while ordering multiple copies from sheer excitement every time I passed the laptop)

    Despite telling me it would take a month for delivery, they arrived in the post today. (yay)

    D has never seen nor heard of Crimetraveller so tonight when he gets home I can force share the experience on with him. I CANNOT WAIT!
    There is a little voice in the back of my mind that reminds me I was about eight when I last saw this show and how perhaps there was a very good reason why it was cancelled and that my tiny childlike mind couldn't comprehend it at the time.
    Nah - I'm sure it's gonna be totally awesome!


    EEEEEE! IT's CRIME TRAVELLER!!!


    When ordering the DVD I remembered the story of Tom and my "James Bond adventures" that had D in stitches so I thought I'd share it;
    When we were 10 we were playing James Bond in his bedroom, there was a giant wall map above his bed and we were doing the "mission info" before we could go downstairs and destroy his little brother.
    We decided after the mission brief it was late and the jet would leave in the morning so we should go to bed and pretend to sleep for 5 minutes and then magically arrive at our destination.

    This would be about the time my mum came upstairs. We informed her we were playing James Bond....she looked at us in the bed....and freaked out. We were yelled at, we were told off and neither of us understood why. It was only when telling D the story that I realised, when we said we were playing James Bond....and we were in bed...what James bond used to do when he went to bed with a lady had our parents freaking out. (I really hadn't cottoned on until now - I'm so naive)
    We were innocent little children and we were just playing a harmless game (neither of us had been given "the talk yet") but needless to say Tom and I had to play downstairs from then on - but that was fine, we just built a time machine out of a rotary washing line and some junk that we stole from the house so we were pretty happy. Would have been happier if it had actually worked mind.

    Monday, 10 January 2011

    It's another MORON Monday

    Gee I'm so glad to be back at work, my morning was filled by two complaining customers, two customers who were clearly deranged. One was complaining about having to re-pay postage costs for an item that he hadn't bothered to collect from his post office the first time we sent it and the other wasn't happy with how "shiny" his DvD box was. Morons I tells ya, morons. I would LOVE to go into more detail but legally can't. This did remind me of a case of the "shinies" I had in my old job, which for legal reasons (there being none) I CAN share with you - enjoy;

    So (I like to think) I'm a nice person and generally I try to be helpful and polite to my customers but sometimes you get that odd crazy shopper who you would like nothing better to do than to bury under an avalanche of books.
    Today I had one of those people,

    Her:I want a book on wizards
    Me: For children, factual, historical...?
    Her:He's 12
    *I pass book on wizards*
    Her:No I want something better
    Me:Okay...how about a fiction book *passes book on wizard adventures*
    Her:*started randomly picking books up based on if they have glitter on the cover*
    Me:This is the first in the series it's about a wizard school and their adventures, it's also book one in the series
    Her:How about this one (she has picked up book 5 in the series which is..oh yes you guessed it...covered in glitter)
    Me: Well that's book five in the series
    Her: So does he need to read book one first
    Me: *tactfully* Well he might enjoy it more if he does (i go to serve someone else)
    Her:I've decided to buy this.....(a book on dragons o_0)....."oh and I'll have this too it'll be perfect" *she grabs the first original wizard book i showed her*
    (at this point I honestly am suspecting she has some tune similar to the magic roundabout playing in her head instead of listening to me)
    ..we get to the till..
    Me: would you like a bag?
    Her: no thanks I'm fine
    I ring the sale up etc hand her the books....
    Her: don't you have a bag you can put them in?

    *me - trying not to rip my hair out and thinking my suspicions of the magic roundabout song are probably correct! places the books in a bag*

    Me:Bye, have a nice day!
    - she probably thinks i said i like her skirt or something.
    If this happens again I think I'll switch to French mid conversation and let them make their own conclusions.

    Sunday, 9 January 2011

    Movie madness or "my house is trying to kill me"

    When channel surfing today I came across "The House Next Door" on the horror channel. The horror channel isn't somewhere I normally hangout since I'm a big fat wuss but this film had me glued.
    It was the worst film I have EVER seen and I've sat through 'Sideways' and I own 'Tender Loving Care'.
    The sheriff from 'a town called eureka' and some girl with a trout pout live in a house. Some slightly hunky architect builds a "dream" home next door and all the people who move into the house turn evil or end up having "accidents" and unexplainable deaths.
    Now we tuned into the film about halfway through and I just HAD to watch. The film had so many plot holes, the end was nonsense and made the eureka trout pout couple look like child snatchers, which I don't think was the idea.
    By far the worst (and best) part of the film was the actual filming. This cameraman was clearly after some achievement as it was one wonky (does wonky = spooky) camera angle after another followed by crash zooms. It had D and I howling with laughter.
    My theory (and by far better than the films theory) to why the house was so evil was the fact none of it's windows matched, wouldn't you be evil if you looked so muddled?
    I'd still say it's worth a watch though, the head-tilting to keep the shots level alone made for hilarious viewing.

    We then watched 'I love philip morris' which I adored. Along the lines of catch me if you can it's about a con-man and how deviously clever he truly was. And then we rounded our movie marathon off with a midnight viewing of 'Family man.' Which, as usual made me get all broody and has me considering this haircut when I go to the hairdressers next week;



    I figure it can't go any worse than what I already have, and I'm sure I'll love it for at least 24 hours after I get it done, while it still looks "salon-y."
    And so ends my movie & gameathon before work at 6am. I think I've finally removed all the lazy from my system and I'm now ready to go back to work, or at least as ready as I'll ever be.

    Oh and to top it off after watching the house next door and how the house tries to kill you D was discussing with me how he wants to move house and how this place has so many design flaws, I told him to just be happy and accept the house for what it is. Half an hour later D fell down the full flight of stairs...yeah I think he made the house mad.

    Saturday, 8 January 2011

    Pwned x Infinity

    So I've been kicking ass on Halo Reach and by kicking ass I mean sucking more than a sucker on an octopus. The games that involve capturing flags or keeping areas in a team I rock at, but the hardcore one-on-one stuff where it's just every man for himself I'm pretty much bullet fodder. Some days I just stand myself against the wall and let them riddle me with bullets.

    But today, TODAY I rocked!
    I've had a theory that maybe I wasn't terrible, maybe it was the colour I'd chosen for my guy (stop laughing) maybe his red uniform was the equivalent of waving a red flag in front of a bull.
    So when I was pwned by a guy in a spiffy yellow and gold ensemble I swapped my uniform to match him.
    I got pwned even more so figured day-glo colours were probably a no-no.
    I tried a nice deep green to blend in with the forestry and of course the game loaded me up on a stone covered level so I was pwned again.
    Feeling fed up I relented and turned myself into a bright purple and pink character that screamed "I'm a Girl"
    And suddenly I became the PWNER!
    I'm sure that psychologically all the little boys and 5yr old men are "unable" to pull the trigger fast enough when faced with 'a girl' because I managed to go on a complete killing spree, get a trophy, achievement and get the second highest score.
    Oh yes I AM AWESOME
    I was so excited I tried to call D at work so I could brag, but then realised his boss probably wouldn't think my phone call was so awesome and important so I hung-up.



    Beware of the purple one

    Friday, 7 January 2011

    I'm harbouring a pillow larcenist

    The last few days I've suddenly found myself unable to sleep. No matter what I've done I find myself tossing and turning unable to get comfortable. I'd blamed it on my toothache, messed up routine, caffeine addiction and lack of doing stuff when awake. It turns out its all D's fault, cause he's nothing but a dirty pillow thief.

    I have a routine when it comes to pillows; the first layer is the thin might-as-well-not-exist pillow, followed by a squishy bargain basement pillow, then a firmer silent night pillow and topped off by my cuddle pillow. (which supports my aches and pains at night)

    When I went to bed three nights ago I noticed a problem. On top of the bed was an intruder, it looked like my pillow and was 'dressed' like my pillow but it sure didn't feel like my pillow. I quizzed D who (of course) denied any pillow larsony so I spent the night rolling over sighing and then re-arranging my pillows, turning over, sighing etc.
    D is so in-tune with my needs that when I have insomnia, he does too! (which has absolutely nothing to do with me continually shaking him because I can't sleep)

    The past few days I've had neck ache, head ache, jaw ache and back ache. I've even begun to feel like maybe I had the flu or my toothache was trying to take over my body.
    Tonight though D made a fatal mistake, when I went to bed he had 3 pillows and I had 4 (lumpy horrid one on top) About twenty minutes into my rolling and re-arranging routine I noticed that D now had 4 pillows..but I still had 4 pillows too.
    I touched the pillow his head was on and yes it was mine, that dirty little pillow thief had stolen MY pillow, and he'd been hiding it from me.

    So, I had to get it back using all of my best ninja abilities;






    Thursday, 6 January 2011

    Clinging to Christmas by my fingernails..

    Along with caffeine withdrawal I'm also having Christmas withdrawal too. I have all these new computer games to play, I've had loads of late nights with D, it's been utterly brilliant and suddenly WHAM! We're back up supposedly at 5am (even though we didn't go to sleep until 2am) and working with no time for anything fun while feeling like the living dead.
    It's not fair, I want to play some more, I want to have midnight movie marathons, I want D to be off work forever (minus the lack of wages that would bring.)
    So today I'm curled up by my trees twinkling lights determinedly trying to cram as much gaming and movie watching into the next 18 hours before Christmas officially ends.

    Which means I have to solve all the crimes on CSI fatal conspiracy, watch the three movies we were given yesterday, and beat down some people through Halo-Reach on-line, all before bedtime: If you have an Xbox feel free to join me on Xbox Live

    Of course I am filled with the continuous guilt that I shouldn't be playing or watching TV so nothing is really enjoyable any more. I have promised myself I can watch "bridge to Teribithia" on-demand as long as I get my accounts and paperwork done first....yeah so erm...anyone got a copy they can post me so I don't have to do my accounts and paperwork...*looks hopeful*
    Didn't think so....

    Wednesday, 5 January 2011

    Caffeine & Catnip

    Today I had my first ever coffee. Sure I've sipped other peoples and I hated the taste of them but D had abandoned me at a coffee house with my omg-its-a-sale shopping while he went on his "quest for the 15mm torque wrench."
    So that I didn't appear to be a total noob I ordered a small iced caramel coffee, thinking heck I like iced tea, maybe I like iced coffee. I'd even nabbed a newspaper and was settled down all grown-up like. All that was missing was a cigarette in my hand to turn me into a French film bombshell.
    Feeling like a big-ol grown-up I took my first sip of coffee and it was so horrible I had to bite my lip to stop myself from spitting it out in front of all the "barista's".
    I stirred the concoction and tried again, thankfully it now tasted sweet and kinda nice but a bit bitter like a very strong, very dark tiramasu.
    I continued sipping my coffee while "tutting" over newspaper articles like a proper classy grown-up patting myself on the back for being so awesome.

    "Look at me, sat in my coffee house, with my coffee pals, drinking my coffee, I'm so cool, I'm in the big kids club now. Look at me reading the paper cause I'm so grown-up and I care about what happens to the world"

    D took ages to return and being British and having paid alot of money for a drink I didn't like, I drank it all up anyway, I didn't even let the fact they'd accidentally given me a large coffee stop me, so by the time D came back I'd consumed the entire thing. I didn't feel too bad...just a little bit buzzy, a little buzzy, bit buzzy. The only delightful side effect I noticed was that the hearing in my left ear had completely vanished.

    Travelling home D started to notice "things" happening, I'd begun talking rapidly and started phoning random people that I hadn't spoken to in weeks. I power walked round the house suddenly announcing I was "faster than anything...ever" I was grinning inanely proclaiming everything was so much brighter and sharper then I began giggling hysterically....this is when he made me sit down and drink a glass of water.
    This is also the point we discovered that for a coffee virgin I'd just consumed the equivalent of 3 espresso shots in one sitting.

    I'm now feeling pretty sick and shaky. So to cheer myself up I gave my cats a new toy...which contained catnip. I didn't realise this or I'd never have bought it.

    Roarke has a catnip "problem" because I was such a big drug pusher when he was a kitten. One day I was low on biscuit so I fed him the rest of some cat snacks. An hour later when he was actually bouncing off one wall, onto the sofa, then back onto the wall. I bothered to read the packet and realised I'd pretty much overdosed him on catnip treats. Since then he has had catnip "issues."
    As soon as I started waggling the toy Roarke terminated it's life, then proceeded to carry it round the house pausing only to gnaw on it or to sit on it - while panting.
    It's now somewhere high and given the fact he's been trying to jump up enough to reach it I think it's time to put it somewhere safe...like buried at the bottom of the garden.

    Anyway I'm going to go now because I feel wretched and it's really unpleasant. I don't ever want a coffee again, ever...apart from the stuff in tiramasu 'cause that's wonderful, and I believe Roarke is feeling as bad as I do. We're currently in 'sofa rehab' curled up together, whimpering while D points and laughs at us chanting "haha you're crashing" over-and-over again.

    How can something that made me feel so wonderful make me now want to kill myself?


    D's rendering of what he found himself faced with

    Tuesday, 4 January 2011

    New years resolutions - that I wasn't going to do but got suckered into anyway

    I make it a point not to make new years resolutions. I hate the whole "oh look, it's a whole new year now things will be different, not because we've changed but because the date has *insane giggling*" People who make resolutions just because it's new year make me want to shoot them. Fact.

    But this year quite by accident D and I made resolutions, call it "what happens in bed when you can't sleep and start talking";

    1) Eat less take-out - most of the time what's delivered is incorrect and I throw the mother of all tantrums get a bit upset. Then D has to call them up and yell at them and we don't have a very nice time at all, plus it's expensive. (I have allergies and you'd think NO onions would mean NO ONIONS)
    Solutions
    Eat out instead of take-out and make it a special occasion.
    Spend more money on nicer things when food shopping so we can create more from scratch instead of shopping like we're still uber poor.

    2) Get in a routine
    Solutions
    Have fixed meal times, fixed days when certain jobs get done (like a wash day) so we don't end up dashing around doing damage control in the house and a "fixed" bedtime so neither of us spend the week knackered because we just had to go to bed at midnight even though we are up at 5am.

    3) Get in a work routine - up at 6am and done by 1pm suits me just fine :)

    4) End the year with some savings in a saving account and not gulping at every bill that crosses the threshold
    Solutions
    Put 100% of my wages into a savings account starting from Feb

    and finally;
    Conduct 7 science experiments this year, because I'm curious as a cat and want to know how stuff works.

    So sadly, that's my shameful list of "Resolutions" or just "things we should try get right this year."

    Monday, 3 January 2011

    My Life with Cats

    I hope you all had wonderful and safe celebrations, ours was filled with food, silly games, movies, halo tournaments and wearing party hats.
    This time of year though has made me pretty reflective and while our dark ages seem to be truly over I have spent the latter half of the year in pain with bumps, bruises, casts or as a medical pincushion.
    So rather than dwell on what was a pretty uncomfortable year I decided to take a look back at my life - with cats.

    Poppy

    At age 9 I read a book called "Thunderpuss." It was about a girl whose cat was her best friend and this cat was totally awesome. It used to follow her to school, play in the garden, sleep on her bed and just generally be as cool as a cat can be.
    So me being me, I wanted a cat. I badgered, I whined, I moaned and even turned on the waterworks. Through a lot of blackmail on my mums friends part (telling me the kitten would have to be put down if it couldn't be homed) I was in such a state my mum didn't have much of an option and I ended up with a cat of my very own. I named her Poppy. She was a teeny tiny tabby cat and she was nothing like thunderpuss.
    Poppy didn't want to play, she didn't want to cuddle, she wasn't allowed to sleep on my bed and she definitely didn't want to follow me anywhere.
    My Mum and Dad deciding that a 9yr old can be pretty hyperactive made the rule that if Poppy was in her basket then that was her "place" and you had to leave her alone.
    Well you know what Poppy did, she stayed in her damn basket almost every single day.
    There was no bonding or fun to be had she just slept and stared at me and the string I was dangling with complete derision.

    Never one to play


    Don't get me wrong I do love Poppy but she was never the pet I wanted she was far too independent and never wanted anything other than feeding and I wasn't even allowed to feed her.
    She's old now and since her joints don't work well and she's a little blind; she's becoming fussier but still has an attitude if you try to cuddle with her.

    After Poppy I kept bringing a wide assortment of cats & kittens home, I maintained very loudly that they didn't have homes but my mum and dad always returned them to the house across the street wild.


    Foiled again


    Uzo

    Even when we were on holiday in foreign countries I kept bringing cats home. In Greece the hotel owners cat had a kitten which I called Uzo (after the drink) and I loved this kitten. I fed her pork scratchings and she was so smart she used to put her paw on one side so it stood up then gnaw at it. I even used to sneak down into the laundry room just to play with her.
    My mum was horrified that I was going to catch rabies or fleas from her but seemed unable (or I was just too damn clever) to stop me. On our last night Uzo (also very clever) snuck into the hotel, aided by her partner in crime (me). Together we curled up in an armchair in the lobby and fell asleep. My mum finally gave in and said Uzo could stay on my knee until it was time to go home - but that if she messed herself that would all be on me. Uzo quietly purred the next two hours away on my lap and it was the happiest two hours of any holiday.Ever.

    Blue

    When I first "got with" D when I was 17 he had a cat called Blue. Blue was a straggly stinky stray who would come stay in their home when it was cold. Blue loved me, as soon as I sat down he would drag his stinky hide over, plonk himself on my knee and proceed to drool all over my leg. He was a sweet cat who always wanted to keep warm and be safe with you but absolutely reeked of damp places.

    Ick, cat spit


    Sadly, years later we heard that Blue had contracted some infection which had caused a hole to grow in his side and before they could get him to a vet he wandered off to the park, burrowed himself away and died.

    Fudge

    Fudge was a kitten I adopted for D, he had never had a kitten and I was determined he should experience the thrills of the tiny scampering clown. Fudge was CRAZY. As soon as D left the house she would proceed to leap onto my HEAD and then dash around the house like a mad thing.
    Fudge was pretty clever though, one day I had made a huge stack of tuna sandwiches for us and placed them on the coffee table. Fudge promptly made her attempts to get on said table but was told sternly "No she wasn't to go on the coffee table." So the little Einstein climbed up onto the sofa instead and launching her tiny body through the air across the table she used her back paw to knock one of the sandwiches on the floor, never once touching the forbidden table. We were so impressed by her ingenuity so we gave her the sandwich, she deserved it.

    I know my hair looks on fire but I can't draw or colour, okay


    Fudge's story ends quite quickly, I got into some 'bad trouble' with a guy (one of D's ex-friends) and I ended up reporting him to the police (I'm sure you can read between the lines here). His mother then STOLE OUR CAT rang up the adoption centre and said we'd abandoned it and that she would take care of it. They CHANGED THE DETAILS without even calling us and she got our cat. The law, despite this obviously being a "revenge" thing wouldn't protect us, and that's how we lost Fudge.

    Okay even I'm starting to wonder why we kept having cats after this point.

    Piper & Storm

    Now these were special cats. We adopted them from the shelter (just like fudge) but they were both older cats. I'd batted my eyelashes at D when I saw them since he'd strictly said we could only have ONE cat but I managed to convince him they'd be worth it. When we were "caging" them up ready for transport we could only move one cat out of the hut at a time. The moment we took Piper out, Storm started making such a fuss, fretting that we were leaving her behind and D would have had no choice in the matter if he hadn't already caved in.
    My story of Piper will be brief. She was a BIG bully always tormenting her sister and she had a love for unlocking the window, climbing the roof, playing in the chimney and coming back covered in soot. (I was constantly bathing her - something neither of us enjoyed)

    Piper seemed to grow an extra set of legs and claws at bathtime


    She would also walk to the nearby pub and charm the patrons into giving her some grub. She'd even accompany us to the local shop walking at our side. Unfortunately one night she had 'let herself out again' and never returned. I spent hours trying to find her in the streets but I had no luck. For all I know she still prowls the chimney's and pubs of that area.

    Storm was a pretty special cat and I LOVED her. She was very frightened and timid, always hiding. With a lot of time and effort I finally had her brave enough to be held, to play and sit in the living room. We got into a wonderful routine, D would go to work at 4am, then Storm and I would go back to bed together and I'd wake a few hours later with her little body under the duvet curled next to mine. We'd eat breakfast together, sit on the sofa together I'd clean while she supervised and she'd play while I supervised, she was my little shadow. When we lost our home and had to give her up it was the hardest day of my life. I couldn't stop crying and couldn't get enough air in to talk to anyone. When she was collected by the rescue home I just sat on the stairs and wept. She had been desperately trying to break out of the box to stay with me and it broke my heart.

    Years later I heard about Storm on the radio, she'd been adopted to a loving home, and one night some thugs had shot her with an air rifle as she prowled in her garden, she lost a leg but survived. I HATE myself for ever letting her go.

    Puddings

    Puddings wasn't ours but she sure thought she was supposed to be. When we were dating D and I lived 3 miles apart. One night D was walking me home so I could grab my work stuff and then kip at his. It was a dark and windy night when we came across 'Puddings' sitting outside someone's house. Again me being me, encouraged the cat to come have a cuddle and after that point puddings stayed by our side - whoops. D invented the name Puddings (cause he's my partner in crime) and this sweet little cat made the three mile journey with us through the forest and across main roads. She followed the light of our phones (I carried her across the busy road.) We got to my house and she sat down with D while I left a note and grabbed my stuff.
    As soon as I came back out she chirped at me and then set off to lead us back the way we came. She was plain simply amazing and made it the most entertaining journey we'd ever had. (Even better than the time the police pulled over because they thought D was abducting me into the woods and I had to show them the DvD I was carrying to prove we were only going to his house and he was just carrying me on his shoulder for a laugh)

    Before we got to D's we had to cross a field. D was telling me how I had to stop calling puddings and egging her on to follow us now, and I was trying to explain to D how she was homeless and should obviously come live with us. We made the rule if we didn't encourage puddings and she followed us home anyway we would keep her overnight and then figure something out the next day. So we walked in silence. Poor sweet puddings so eager to walk with me ran up (it's dark,she's black) and I stood on her.
    I guess you can figure she didn't follow us home and I cried about how I'd hurt her all because D said I could't look at her any more.

    Roarke, Kitalpha & Evie

    These are our current cats and they are wonderful. It took a while for my heart to heal after Storm but it's hard not to adore these three little monkeys. I rescued them from a Drug Den, we went in with a team of "professionals" scooped them up and brought them home.
    They were the sweetest little critters and would scale your body to get near your face (although Roarke was so laid back he just slept his freedom away in his carrier (or maybe he was stoned.) They were only a few weeks old when I got them so I had to show them how to use a litter tray, eat properly etc and they really do think I'm 'mum.'

    See back to nice normal photos no more terrible drawings for you!


    I've already mentioned Roarke a bit before so I'll only highlight, he is soft as mush, he will keep himself to himself until the girls are outside and then he lets his macho side down and just wants cuddles and play fighting. He runs VERY fast (when he can be bothered), loves playing with water and doesn't like going outside,he is truly the alpha male in the household - D included.( I'm the alpha female though so it's all good if I tell the girls off he reinforces it with a couple of nips)

    Evie is a handful she's our "bi-polar" cat and swings between cuddles and love to growling and massively overly dramatic sighs. So eager to please Evie has mastered "Sit," "fetch" and "up" all quite by accident. She won't leave you alone though and it can get a little irritating. She loves to chatter with the hamster and her favourite trick is to wake me in the morning by burrowing her head next to mine - then headbutting me in the eye - yeah she's just swell.

    Kitalpha has become, whether by my intention or her own personality a little shadow and very like Storm. She responds to specific tunes when whistled, follows me everywhere while trying to have conversations with me. She loves to go out and hunt, curl up beside me, and is always trying to lead me to bed for massive cuddles under the covers. And she'll follow any piece of string that I dangle - TAKE THAT POPPY!

    Well that pretty much sums up my life in cats, there was an awful lot more of them than I realised when I started - sorry about that. I can't imagine not having a little furry friend to come home to or to snuggle up with when your feeling sad. As aforementioned I can't draw, you can take you your annoyance at D while looking at an awesome drawing of a tree HERE

    Sunday, 2 January 2011

    Nappy Yew Hear Eveyrone *hic*

    For Christmas D brought me a Hyperpen 6000u. Because he thought it would be a good blogging gift and it will allow me to draw and write, freehand.
    The only thing he seemed to have forgotten is that I don't have ANY artistic talent when it comes to drawing what-so-ever and so this is kind of a terrible gift for YOU guys.

    What happens next is totally his fault and if you'd like to complain you can reach him through Santa.

    I did pass my art exam with an excellent mark but that was making stuff with my hands and because I'm a blagger at heart. So I drew you a tree, cause I think I'm pretty awesome at trees.




    And the next blog, well, that is alllll his fault for getting me drunk and then giving me a pen and egging me on with comments such as "hey that's a great drawing of a cartoon girl....what do-ya mean it's supposed to be a house...".
    Don't worry this will be a one time only affliction.Maybe.

    Saturday, 1 January 2011

    I'm like Dr. Dolittle only cuter.

    So earlier I'm sat on the sofa with Roarke (my tom cat) and he's having one of his cat seizures dreams which are twice as creepy since he has a disgusting habit of sleeping with his eyes open so they get all cloudy and icky and I end up poking him in the eye to get him to close it....anyways...
    So he's "dreaming" and making these pathetic mewling noises which is not like him so I said

    "Roarke?"

    to which he woke up looked at me and went "meow" (as in yes)

    Me(bemused): "Are you okay?"

    and he honest to god gave me a happy chirpy "meow" bobbed his head and stared at me intently, even D found it funny how it seemed like Roarke and I were "connecting"

    You may be thinking this here crazy cat lady has lost the plot, but I know how he spoke and he was answering me.

    Well a bit later on D and I had decided to play twister, I never have before and my brother (10 years my senior) got me it for Christmas. We got to the point where both of us were in knots and didn't have any hands free to spin the wheel. Jokingly I said to Roarke who was still sat on the sofa "spin the wheel will you?" and you know what - he did.
    He spun it each and every time we asked him - although I have to say he was a little too enthusiastic at times and stopped it from spinning before the arrow had landed on anything. Clearly this proves I have brand new magical powers and that I can talk with the animals - or that Roarke's "seizures" have now allowed him to understand fluent people-talk. Maybe I can ask him to stop waking us at four in the morning and he'll understand....then again I'm pretty sure he already understands that early mornings are a no-no but is just playing dumb and laughing at me behind my back.